Processing

We returned from India 2 weeks ago today. Over this time I've been processing an overload of information in my mind. The emotions and questions about my experience have really taken a toll on my outlook and purpose in life.

When people ask me about the trip I have 2 versions I use to describe the experience, the "postcard" version and the "reality" version. The postcard version usually goes like this: The trip was great, God is doing some awesome work over there. Nobody was detained, or got deathly ill, the kids were incredible, the concerts went well, etc. I use this version with acquaintances or if I don't want to get into into my deep feelings and thoughts. The reality is that God is doing some awesome work over there. Lives are being changed, but part of the struggle in my mind is this: In a country with a land mass about 1/3 the size of the US with a population of 1.2 billion people are we really making a difference? Even though I could see a difference was being made in this small village of "untouchables", after about 7 days in I was overcome with a feeling of insignificance. There are so many people, there is so much poverty, so much trash, noise, traffic, and customs so opposite from our own, I felt overwhelmed. I'm a solitude type person, so knowing what I needed to recharge I took a few minutes to "get away" with God. While everyone else was going to work on a project I stayed behind. I got a chair and sat on the edge of the "tent city" near an open field with my Bible and did some talking with God. It helped for that day but I'm still processing through many questions and feelings.

So I've spent the past 2 weeks praying, listening for God's direction, talking with friends, and thinking about where all this is leading me. During the pre-trip training we where told that a trip like this will change our lives. We would go through stages of being broken down and rebuilt, but I had no idea that it would effect me the way it has. My entire outlook has been altered, things that were important before don't seem like such a big deal anymore.

I know God is working on something behind the scenes with all of this, but what can it be? So I ask that you pray for me to be willing to follow His direction, that I open myself up to His will, and that I open my eyes, ears, hands, feet, words, mind and heart to Him and the people I'm to serve. I have a feeling my work in India in not done.